I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
