Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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