No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
