god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize