No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
