ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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