What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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