why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
