I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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