I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
