there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
