my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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