how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
