Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
