I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
