Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
