I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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