I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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