I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
