His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
