ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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