i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
