My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The adults are the big ones right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
