Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
