he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
