she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
