Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
