he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
