well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
