She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
