U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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