he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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