She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
