Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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