Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
