I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
