Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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