I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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