Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
