At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
