She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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