I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
