but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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