Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
