It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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