I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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