All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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