Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dick very happy bro
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
