yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
