**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
