Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
