I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
