you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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