She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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