I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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