i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I could make wine with my vomit
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dicks are not precious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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