woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize