North Korea, Best Korea!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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