I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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