i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
