My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
